The deluge of advertising for Mother’s Day Gifts is in full spate.  Every where, stores are telling me just what Mom wants for her “special day”.  Usually this stuff just rolls off me — I gave my Mom a card and maybe some hand lotion she had asked for, plus a nice long chat by long distance.  But this year, with that Mom-shaped space in my life, the incessant noise of the advertising is getting me down. Remembering your Mom shouldn’t be an occasion for spending anything more than your time.

Because shared experiences are better than things.

And it’s not just mother instinct that tells me that….it’s science!

Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton have written a book, Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending, about how money CAN buy happiness, if you spend it right.

In this article, they explain that their research showed how and why spending money on doing things — not having things — is best.

Material things are very often enjoyed alone.  Social relationships are the single most critical thing in our lives for happiness. Anything we can do with our money to enhance those relationships is a good thing.

So take some time to be with Mom, and if you are going to spend money on her as well, make sure it’s something that she can experience (preferrably with you!).

Life Edited has some good ideas, including a spa day, a class, or just writing her a letter.  Take it from a Mom/Grandmother, a heart-felt note will be cherished long after the scent of the nicest gift perfume has faded.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.

Lady Bracknell, the Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde.

This vacation has not gone according to plan.  Not my plan, anyway.  My father did not come out of the hospital.  While in there, hoping to recover from a bruised foot and back, it was discovered that his kidneys were functioning at an ever-decreasing level of effectiveness, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.  He slipped away in his sleep early one morning as we were preparing to visit him.

Everything had been set up so my sister and I are joint owners of my parents’ condo, and there were surprisingly few hurdles.  But oh, so many little things to take care of when you just want to sit down for a day or two and just…..grieve.

My sister had already started clearing things away when she was here after our mother’s death at Christmas time.  But there were still boxes of books, bags of clothes, furniture and just stuff to give away.  And boxes of photos and clippings to go through, but not now.

We are trying to get papers in hand that will allow us to sell the condo.  We love it, as did our parents, but we have been coming up here for the past 40 years.  There is little that Nelson, BC holds for us now.

On the plus side, we can pick up our permits at Vancouver City Hall for the laneway build. There are many fees to pay, but then we will have the permits and will get started.  When I am back home this weekend we will make arrangements to meet with our designer/builder Novell to talk about the next steps.

Right now, I am being very, very kind to myself.